It is a game? April 10, 2010

“How would we play a game?  It is scary when it happens, and it just happens and only two times, maybe it won’t happen any more?”

“Actually Violet I think it will be happening more and I think that people will not understand it so it needs to be a secret.  As you get older you will be able to control it better.  So maybe if we practice some..I know come on.”

Her father turned around and helped Violet crawl up on his shoulders; then they walked over to the shady side of the barn.

“See up there, in the tree?  See the birds?”

“Yes I see them.”

“Close your eyes and think, which bird is going to fly away first.”

“Ok”  Violet looked again at the tree, and then closed her eyes tightly, thinking really hard about the birds.  Nothing happened, nothing at all.  “Daddy it doesn’t work it is just dark when I close my eyes.”

“That is ok, it will be practice.  Now what bird do you think will fly away first?  Just look at them.”

Violet was still perched on her fathers shoulders and she absently put her necklace in her left hand and put the stone up to her lips while she was thinking.  She was thinking that she was not sure this game was a good idea and what if her father got mad at her for not being able to know what bird would fly away first and then it happened.

She felt a little off balance as her body rocked back a little, and at the same time she could hear her father saying “Shorty you can not lean back like that, you could fall.” while he was leaning them forward and putting his hands on her legs; she also saw a flash of a woodpecker flying out of the tree and then all of the small black birds.

“The woodpecker, I guess the woodpecker!”

Just then there was a loud crash from inside of the barn it startled Violet and her father and the birds!  The woodpecker flew out of the tree and towards the house, and right after all of the small birds flew out too.

“Violet you did it!” You did it! How did you do it?  What did you do?”

Her father was swinging her down to stand on the ground, and he squatted down in front of her so they could see almost eye to eye. ©

did something else happen? April 9, 2010

Beth was no where to be seen, Violet decided to walk over to the fence and the old silo.  Just as she was crawling over the fence she heard her father holler “Hey where are you going?”

“Hi daddy, to the silo.  Daddy I have not seen Beth for a long time.”

“No you haven’t and that is a good thing, Beth and her family are gone.  They are not here anymore.  You mother should explain that though. “

That made Violet very sad, but she wanted to tell her dad the secret from this morning and after all she was to talk to her mother about Beth, maybe they could go visit one day.

“Do you remember when you told me to tell you, if I ever saw something again, like the boat?”  She really had no idea how to explain or ask since she really did not understand it herself.

“Yes…did something else happen?”

“Yes.”

“Ok well what happened?”  Her father was paying close attention to her now as she was sitting on the top of the fence and he was leaning against it.

“This morning I heard a noise in your room, and then I saw the cat come out of there.  Later I was telling mom about it in the kitchen and when she said she wondered what happened…..”

“Go ahead what?”

“Well I was still in the kitchen but I thought I saw the cat, in the window in your room, and the lamp was knocked down.  When mom went up to see what happened, it was like what I saw before I saw it, well not all of it, I did not know about the curtains.  And I did not tell.”  The words just tumbled out very fast and it felt good to finally be saying them.

“Ok well you did good to tell me, and just me.  I wonder if we could practice and see what stuff you would know that we could check up on and see if you were right.  You know like a game.”

Her father seemed really excited, and not at all mad and Violet did feel a little better about the whole thing. ©

that was a secret she was only to tell her father March 26, 2010

Violet finished up her breakfast and was getting her stuff in the sink, and the cereal put away; when her mother came in from the barn.

“Good morning did you sleep well on the couch?”

“Yes I did.  Mom when I went upstairs to get my necklace” as she was talking she took the necklace in her hand “the cat came out of your room after there was a big noise.”

“Wonderful, I wonder what he has done now?”

Violet saw a flash, a picture of her parents bedroom and the cat up on the window; sliding some on the salt in the window and knocking over a lamp as he jumped down.

“Violet are you listening to me?  Violet?!”  Her mothers voice made the picture go away and Violet let go of the necklace at the same time.  “Violet are you alright?”

“Yes I think so, I am sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“Not listening, I should go brush my teeth and get dressed.”

“I will come with you, see what the cat has done and help you get your bags.  Today I want you to lay out the clothes you will take for the weekend.”

They headed up the stairs.  Violet wanted to tell her mom what she saw in the kitchen; but it was like what she saw with the boat and that was a secret she was only to tell her father.  She also wanted to know if the lamp was knocked down like she saw it.  “Can I see what the cat did?”

“Sure come on.”  Together they walked into the bedroom, and Violet quickly looked to the window.  The lamp was knocked over, and the curtain was pulled loose on that side of the window.  Violet gasped when she saw it, because it did look so much like what she saw happen in the kitchen.

“It is ok, I can put it all back easily. “  Her mother was walking over to the window, picking up the lamp and then she noticed the salt.  “Hmmmmmm”

Violet walked over and asked “Mom, what is wrong?”

“Nothing, it is fine…just seeing the salt line is no longer in place.  I wonder if that is what caused this?”  Her mother seemed to be talking more to herself than to Violet and it was making Violet very uneasy.  “I am going to go get dressed and brush my teeth.”

“Yes I will be there in a minute, go ahead.” ©

all night long, on the couch March 25, 2010

It was not very long before she fell asleep.   When she woke up it was morning, she realized her parents had let her sleep on the couch all night long.  Violet heard the back door closing and wondered who was coming in or going out.  She closed her eyes and lay very still, listening.  There were no more sounds so she slid off of the couch and went to peek in the kitchen.  No one was there.

Violet decided she would have breakfast, and as she was getting her bowl and cup, with out thinking about it she reached up for her necklace.   It was then she remembered that she had taken one off last night before her bath and never put one back on and that since she slept on the couch, she did not sleep with them under her pillow.   That was one of the rules, and she had broken it with out even thinking about it.

She turned to run up the stairs to her room, wondering what it would mean, and if it would be ok.  As Violet reached the top of the stairs she heard a noise from her mothers room.  She took a deep breath and darted quickly into her own room.  Quickly grabbing the bag, dumping the three necklaces on her bed; she was looking at them carefully and they all seemed to be fine.  “1, 2, 3 which one is for me?” as she said it she closed her eyes and just reached for one.  Just as she was grabbing one there was a crash from the direction of her mothers room.  Violet jumped, slid the necklace over her head, the other two back in the bag quickly said thank you and went to see what the noise had been.

She was crossing the landing at the top of the stairs in time to see the cat come out of her parents bedroom.  Violet decided it was best to just head back down stairs since she was not supposed to be in their room unless she was invited in.

Violet got back to the kitchen and quickly made her breakfast and sat down to eat.  While she was looking at the back of the cereal box she was wondering if it was ok that she had not followed the rules for the necklaces.  She wondered if she should ask her mom or just keep the secret to herself. ©

a treasure chest February 23, 2010

“Violet why are you sitting on the floor? Get up and get into your pajamas and get your teeth brushed.  I will be back in a few minutes to get tell you goodnight.”

Violet jumped right up and did as she was told, hurrying to get everything done quickly and quietly.  But on the way to the bathroom to brush her teeth, she noticed her mother was on her knees in her sewing room, looking into her cedar chest.  She walked very slowly past the door trying to peek in and see what was happening.  Only one other time had she seen her mother open the chest.

That time Violet had been allowed to peek inside.  It had a wonderful smell, her mom said it was the wood the cedar chest was lined with.  Inside there had been many treasures, each wrapped in fabric or in glass jars.

She had come to a full stop and was staring into the room, when her mother pulled a mirror out of the chest.  Afraid she would be seen Violet hurried to the bathroom, brushed her teeth very quickly and quietly opened the door to sneak back into her room.

Violet was excited to see the light was still on in the sewing room, as she crept by she noticed her mother was still looking into the chest.  Next to her was the mirror, a candle, a jar of something white and some black lace.

Her mother turned and saw her watching and quickly closed the lid to the chest.  “Violet are you ready for bed?” as she was asking she was walking toward the door and she reached over flipped the light switch to off and closed the door behind her.

“Mom what were you doing?”

“That is none of your business Missy!  Come on lets get you into bed.”  Her mom sounded happy, so Violet tried one more time.  “Were you looking in your cedar treasure chest?’

“I think you know the answer to that already, now get into bed.  I love you, sweet dreams.  You can read if you want, but stay in your bed.”

“I love you too.”

“I will come in later and shut off your light.”

Violet put her necklace away, opened her book and stared at the page.  She was trying to remember everything she saw in the sewing room and trying to figure out what her mother was going to do with the treasures she had taken out.   Then she remembered her mother saying something about a mirror and salt when the electricity went out.

What an interesting secret, and Violet was excited to try to figure it out. ©

pinky swear? February 8, 2010

“What did you think about the truck going into the river last weekend?  I did not get to see you after because your parents put you in the camper.  Your father was so mad at uncle Jacob!  Every right to be mad too, at least I think so.”

“Why was he so mad?”

“Oh they didn’t tell you?”  Sara looked very surprised and Violet was very worried that this might have something to do with the secret she promised to keep with her father.

Sara did not wait for a reply and simply continued with the story.  “Well it seems that Jacob had been drinking, truthfully they all had been your father and mine too.  Anyway Jacob had too much to drink, and so when he was backing the trailer down, he went too far and too fast.   I didn’t see it right from the start but I guess your dad was in the boat and saw it all and was pretty mad.  Do you know that before you all left that Jacob and Dean got into a good yelling match?  Truth is it was pretty funny to see.”

“You mean my dad and uncle Jacob were having a yelling fight?”

Laughing Sara replied “A yelling fight, yes that is a good way to explain it!  But I overheard my mom on the phone, and she was saying everything was all patched up now, and it is fine.  No hard feelings or anything, so this weekend will be normal.”

“Oh but it won’t be.”  Violet was so pleased that she had something to share with Sara, something she could tell.  She stood up a little straighter and said “Mom and I will not be there, well not till the last day.  We are going to the city to go shopping for my new playroom and to stay with Uncle.”

“Really, I did not hear that yet.  Well good for you!  I bet you will have a lot of fun, and I did hear about the playroom.  It sounds very cool.  Are you excited or will you miss the barn?”

“I promised to be happy about it, so I am happy.  But I already miss the barn, and Max and Grey won’t be allowed in the playroom.  But Max has been in the house!  He is helping take care of Cocoa, a calf that needs to stay warm and have a bottle.”

Sara looked very surprised, and then seemed to be concentrating very hard on the last smile of the last head and not saying anything.

“Sara what is wrong?”

“Oh Violet I am so sorry, I thought you knew.  I will tell you but you have to promise that you won’t tell anyone that I told you.  Pinky Swear?”

“Pinky Swear” the girls said in unison and Violet listened very carefully as Sara told her the sad news that Cocoa had died last night and that was the real reason she was sent here today, so she would not be sad. ©

special secrets January 22, 2010

Violet knew the right answer was to say yes and to agree and that is what she did.  But inside it just felt wrong somehow and confusing…but like her dad said if it never happens again (which she was hoping) then it would never matter.

“One more thing I need to tell you.”

She noticed he was looking out the window and not at her and seemed to be thinking really hard.

“Your play area in the barn, you are not going to be able to play there for awhile.  We are going to be doing some work on the barns and you just would not be safe out there.”

This news made Violet very sad, it was the only place that her and Beth got to play and it was a good place to hide when her parents were arguing.  Plus Grey and Max were out there!  “Daddy no! What about Max and Grey and the other horses? And where WILL I be able to play?” and she started to cry.

“Oh knock off the water works, there is no reason to cry”  he sounded mad and then he added “when you get done with the nonsense I will tell you the plan.”

“I am sorry, I am listening.” she was trying very hard to not cry and sniffled her nose.  Taking a deep breath and holding it and looking at the waterfall she repeated “I am listening.”  Inside her heart was breaking but she pretended it away.

“Well first yes Max and Grey will both be fine.   It is little girls that you have to worry about not animals.  You know that extra room downstairs the one by the shower and the door towards the garden area, just off of the mud room?”

“Yes I know which one,  it is the scary room.”

“Why do you call it the scary room?” he looked at her now, genuinely puzzled.

“Because I always think someone is hiding in there and watching me or will jump out and grab me – it is scary.”

Taking a deep breath he said more to himself then to her “Great. ” and then to Violet “It is NOT a scary room and it is going to be your new play room.  You mother is moving stuff out of it this morning while you and I are out here.  This afternoon I will have one of the guys come in and paint it for you.  Then we will bring in your stuff from the barn the book case, the table, the chairs even your tea set.  You will be able to use that big sink down there too for your tea parties.  Your mom is even going to make a special art board for you that you can stick stuff up on and you can decorate it and she is going to paint a fake window on the other side and add some curtains.  That way you can pretend like you can see outside.

I think it will be fun for you, and you will like it.”  His tone implied that she had better like it and it did sound fun and maybe with all the stuff different it would not feel scary.

“I will like it” she nodded and smiled “thank you” she added quickly. ©

breakfast with hawk January 21, 2010

As they headed to the next stop it was a little rougher, more bouncing around in her seat then sitting in it; and that led to a lot of giggling.

“Gotta admit, there is usually not this much laughing involved in feeding.”

As they came upon another gate Violet could see more cattle starting to come their way.  Like before her father broke up the hay bales and tossed them out, but this time he threw the hay along her side of the truck.  It was fun to watch them come up to the truck and rub against it.

Her father got back in and said “Ok one stop to go and then let’s drive over to the edge and overlook the river to have breakfast.”  At the last stop, after he had tossed the last of the hay out, he used a broom to sweep out the bed of the truck.  It was funny to see him sweeping and in a truck made it even funnier to Violet.

He got back in the cab and said “Ok here we come breakfast!” turning the truck towards the left; the sun was up now and it was bright outside and they were driving toward the sun.  As he pulled the truck to a stop they could see the edge of the canyon wall, and across the canyon a waterfall.  It was so pretty and quiet with one lone bird circling over head.

“Do you know what kind of bird that is?”

She thought for a moment and slowly shook her head no still thinking very hard.

“That is a hawk, he is circling looking for breakfast.  When he sees what he wants he will swoop down and grab it, fly off with his breakfast and watch the sun come up as he eats… just like us.  You open those bagels and I will pour us some juice.

Violet yesterday when you saw the truck in the water, before it happened is that the first time that has ever happened?”

Violet thought it was a silly question because of course she had never seen a truck in the water before but slowly she said “No it is the first time I saw a truck in the water, it was awful and I hope I never see it again.”

“Well I can tell you yesterday was the first time I ever saw it  and it was scary.  I do not think either of us will ever see something like that again.  But what I mean is have you ever saw something and then later saw it really happen?  Or was yesterday the first time?”

“Do you mean I really did see it before and then see it happen?”  to Violet it seemed almost like a dream and not something that really happened.

“I think you did, I think you have the gift of seeing.  And that can be a wonderful gift but I think until we are sure we should not tell anyone.  Sometimes people worry too much about such things and sometimes people might want you to have a special teacher because of a gift like that.”

“I don’t understand” she said as she watched the hawk swoop down into the canyon out of site and she was wondering what he was getting for breakfast “what is the hawk going to eat?”

“I don’t know maybe a small snake or bird or even a mouse or something.  Violet this is important I want you to pay attention.  I want this to be our secret, do not tell anyone what happened besides it might never happen again so why have anyone wonder about it – maybe it was a one time thing.  BUT if it does happen again I want you to tell me, just me because it is our special secret.” ©

cattle call January 20, 2010

Violet had a great time playing in the bathtub and at bedtime she took off her necklace, said thank you and placed it with the others under her pillow.  She fell asleep easily.

“Violet, wake up! Those cattle need fed.”

As she woke up it was with excitement, because it was not very often that she was allowed to go early with her father to feed the cattle.   With a big smile on her face she sat up in bed and saw her father standing in her doorway.

“Tell ya what, you do not even have to get dressed; you will just be in the truck anyway.  Grab your sweatshirt and some shoes and meet me in the kitchen in 2 minutes.  Ready Set Go!”

Violet tumbled out of bed, quickly chose a necklace for the day and pulled on some socks and her tennis shoes and grabbed her sweatshirt from the rocker in her room and ran out the door and down the stairs.  Stopping in the bathroom and then into the kitchen.  “Here I am!”

“Yes there you are” her father said with a smile “I put orange juice in the thermos and grabbed some bagels.  Think that will feed us for now?”

“Yes!”

They headed out to the truck, first he boosted her up into the cab, then he handed her the thermos and bagels and said “let’s go.”  He started the truck and slowly drove over to the hay barn.  “You stay here.”

She got up on her knees to see even better out the back window, just as he was lowering the tail gate.  She watched as he opened the barn and then carried a bale at a time from the barn into the truck.  A couple of times he jumped up into the truck to straighten them up.  As he finished he closed the tail gate and tapped it a couple of times and said “Here we go.”

He got back in the truck, backed up and headed to the first gate.  At each gate he would have to get out, open the gate, drive through, then get out and close the gate behind them.  Keeping the gates closed is important and something she hears him say all of the time.  More than once she has even heard him yelling at people about it.

As they got close to the first of three places they would stop and leave hay, Violet was happy to see that some of the cattle were already walking toward the truck, they knew it was breakfast time.

Cattle were very big to small Violet, but her father just walked around in them, talking to them and pushing on them.  As he got back in the truck he asked “Notice how I feed them behind or to the side of the truck?”

She really had not noticed but turned around in her seat to look and nodded as they were driving away.

“Know why?”

“No why?”

“Well look how they are all in that one spot, no moving them now, they have their heads down eating.  But all we had to do was drive away, not try and drive around them or through them.  It is simple stuff, common sense; that saves a person time – you need to always remember that.  One day you may have to be the one feeding.”

That was a pretty overwhelming thing to think about, the cattle are bigger then her and so are the hay bales and she can not drive a truck.  He must be kidding, but he looks serious. ©

home again January 20, 2010

Violet fell asleep almost as soon as they were on the road home.  The sound and motion of the truck and a long weekend made it easy.  She did not wake up until they had already removed the boat and pulled the truck up near the house.  Her mother opened the camper door up and said “Rise and Shine!”

“Are we home?”

“Yes we are home, and it is time to get cleaned up and ready for bed I think.  Tell ya what you take your stuff up to your room and I will go start your bath for you.  You can play mermaid swimming girl or what ever it is you play while I help unload the camper.”

“Mermaid swimmer girl” Violet was laughing “I don’t even know what that is!”

Her mother was smiling and said “Well you can call it what ever you want to call it; come on lets go.”

As Violet was getting out of the camper her father called her over “Come here a minute” and then to her mother “I will send her right up.”

“Ok but make it quick!”

“Listen, I did not tell your mother about what happened.  You know when I was taking you to the pool, and I do not want you to tell her.  It will be our special secret ok?”

Violet felt a little confused and before she could answer he added “you are not in any trouble.  You know that right? It was not your fault.  But I want you to not tell your mom; tomorrow when I go to feed the cattle I will take you with me.  We can talk about it then – just you and me.  ok? “

“Ok daddy, I won’t tell, I promise.  I better hurry.”

“Yes get going, take a bath and get a good nights sleep because we will leave early to feed.”

As she headed to the house, she had that confusing feeling back again and somehow the secret seemed wrong.  But her daddy would not have her do anything bad and she had made a promise to not talk about their special secret.  And she was very excited to get to go help feed the cattle in the morning! ©