“Go outside, find your dog and be a kid. Now!” April 5, 2010

Violet played in her room for awhile – making a new cabin with her logs and pretending like there was a cougar off in the trees.   Then she decided to make a fence and let all the little logs be cows, and move them from one pasture to the other.  She was having so much fun and was so lost in her imagination that time passed very quickly.

When her mother came in to tell her it was time to go have tea and practice manners, Violet felt like she had just finished lunch a few minutes ago.  She picked up all the logs like she was told and then she went downstairs to the kitchen.

Tea party for fun, was fun; but tea party for manners was not very fun.  It was hard for Violet to see and reach when she was sitting nicely on her chair and every time she scooted forward she was told to sit back and sit up like a lady.   Finally her mother was so frustrated that she came and pushed Violet’s chair up to the table, very tight.  She could feel the back of the chair on her back and the edge of the table on her front.  Violet wanted to cry, but knew that would only make things worse.

Finally they were almost done, and her mother was quizzing her on where do you put your napkin when you are finished? How do you ask to be excused? When is it acceptable to ask to be excused? Just then her father came in.

He walked over and pulled out Violet’s chair and said firmly “Go outside, find your dog and be a kid.  Now!”

Violet looked from her mother to her father and back again and then hurried very quickly to the back door and outside.  As she was closing the door she heard her father saying “For the love of everything in heaven what is wrong with you? She is five years old and…”

Violet was glad that it was warm outside because she had not had time to grab a sweatshirt or anything.  She easily found Max and decided to go to the barn to see Grey but also hoping that she may see Beth.    The barn smelled so good, and she got a treat down for Grey and then walked to the back of the barn and out the back side door to look for Beth.

She had not been allowed to see Beth since the day her father announced they were moving her play area down stairs and she had so many things to share with her. ©

it was even worse when she was in the middle March 22, 2010

Just as Violet was sitting down with a cookie and a glass of water, her mother came up the stairs.   “Did you have fun?”

“Yes, and I beat daddy in a race to the gate!”

“Oh you did, did you?  Are you sure he did not let you win?”

“No I won.”  But then Violet started to wonder, did she win or did he let her win?  She went on to tell her mother about what they had done and asked if she could see her new playroom.

“No I think you can see it when we come back from the city, a BIG surprise that way.   That reminds me I want you to make sure that all of your laundry is in the basket ready to be washed.  When we are packing tomorrow I do not want any surprises about how you stuff is not able to be packed or how dirty and clean got packed together.  No nonsense…Violet are you listening to me?”

“Yes I am listening, can I have another cookie?  You said that I had to get all of my clothes that need washed into the basket.  They already are except for what I am wearing today.”

Her mother walked to the counter to get more cookies “Good.  I was thinking that tonight you and I good have a party, just us.  Your father will be in to clean up soon, he is headed into town tonight to a meeting about the housing for the workers, I never will understand why he thinks that is our problem.”

“It is our problem, as you so put it because we are decent people, and decent people speak up for others.  When you have a voice it is your job to use it for something good not just to yap and whine.”  Violet jumped when her father started to speak, she had seen him come in the kitchen but had not noticed his face turn so angry and red until he started speaking.  Her mother had jumped to, she had not seen him enter the room and knew his anger was directed at her.

“Violet did you have fun today?  Enjoy working with the men, the workers?” As he finished his sentence he was glaring again at her mother.  Violet did so hate when they were fighting, but it was even worse when she was in the middle; and she decided to try a different reply.

“I had the most fun when Grey and I beat you in the race to the gate!  Mom how many pounds do I weigh, is it more than 6?”

It worked her father burst into laughter, kissed the top of her head and headed down the stairs to take a shower.  “I need to get cleaned up shorty, you pay attention and see what your mother has planned for you tonight.”  ©

she knew he was steady March 19, 2010

Violet was already laying across Grey, and kicked him just as her father was announcing the race and heading to the gate himself.   Violet had no fear running fast with Grey, she knew he was steady and she could trust him and the speed of getting to really race full out was fun and fresh!  She easily beat her father to the gate and was grinning from ear to ear at the win.

“Grey only has to carry all 6 pounds of you, my horse has to work harder!”  Her father was grinning a big smile too.

“I weigh more than six pounds!”

“Ok seven.”  They were both laughing and smiling and Violet was so happy, times like this were rare and she knew it already at just 5 years of age.

“Ok I will open the gate, same thing as last time but this gate is a little smaller, so they may try and push back some to the side; you will do fine.  I will be back soon.”  With that he turned his horse and headed back to the cattle to help drive them toward her.

As the cattle came toward her and through the gate, the work was done in no time.  No one followed the cattle through the gate – because the cattle were in the pasture they would stay in.  One of the men jumped down from his horse and was securing the gate at both the top and the bottom.

They headed back toward the barn together.  Her father talking to the men and Violet just listening in and keeping an eye on Max as he happily followed along.   At the barn her father helped her down off of Grey, and told her she had done a really good job and sent her back to the house to clean up and play.

Violet realized she was very thirsty and was happy to head to the kitchen to get a drink.  When she came in the door, Violet could hear her mother downstairs and she hollered down to her “I am back.”

“Great! Get yourself a drink, and go ahead and have some cookies.  I will be up in a minute.  And Violet – wash your hands first!”

“Yes ma’am.”  ©

Grey will do his job … March 17, 2010

“You will be able to do it.   Grab your hat let’s go!”

Out to the barn they went, Violet was happy to be tossed up onto Grey and to head out with her father and three of the men that worked the ranch.  Max was going to earn his stay today too and was following the horses out.  The day was warm, the sun was perfect and just a small enough breeze to keep you comfortable.

In the first pasture her father directed her over to the gate he leaned over the side of his horse and opened the gate into the next pasture “Ok shorty you stay here, keep your horse next to the gate so when we push them in they will head through the gate and not past you and back into the field.  You let Grey do his job, he has done this before you just stay alert and in charge of that horse so he doesn’t spook.”

“I will daddy.”  Violet thought the job sounded easy enough but at the same time she was not sure, not fully sure.  She realized that while her father had been opening the gate and talking to her; Max and the other men had already started.  Max really loved being able to chase the cattle into position, you could see how happy he was running side to side and the cattle were already all coming toward her and Grey.  Her father was on one side, two men in the back and one on the other side and the cattle were coming right along in one group.  Before she knew it they were heading through the gate – right past her and Grey.

It was a lot of energy and dirt was kicked up some, the men were making some noises and whistles at the cattle and every now and then Max would chime in with a bark.   Max followed the last one in and her father said “That is your cue shorty follow Max.”  Violet rode through the gate and was followed by her father and the other men.  One of them closed the gate as her father looked at her with a smile on his face and said “See that gate? The far one at the end?”

Violet knew where he meant, but no she could not see it.  But she knew what was coming next.  As she answered “Yes I know the gate.”  she leaned forward slightly into her saddle, patted Grey on the neck, made sure her feet were firm in the stirrups and could not help but smile.  “Race you!” her father said as he turned his horse and kicked him forward. ©

You up for real work? March 10, 2010

Playing library was always a fun game, because she got to be the grown up that stayed at the library all day long.  Placing little pieces of paper in the books, and pretending she was helping the people check out the books was fun.  Or taking a pile of books and pretending to check each one back in.  She only had a few books in her room since most were in a box in the new play room.

Violet was thinking she could pretend to check books out of her own library, her play room and then bring them up to her room.  Read them at night and then return them to her library the next day.  The very thought was so exciting!  Just then her mom called up the stairs “time for lunch!”

Violet quickly put all of the books in a pile and grabbed her hat from the door knob and as she was running down the stairs yelled “coming!”  Her mother and her had a great lunch with a lot of laughing and fun and hearing about how the play room was coming along.  Violet asked when she could see the room, and her mother said she thought it would be best if she waited to see it when it was all done, a bigger surprise.

They were well into a conversation about what Violet could wear in the parade and did not even hear her father come into the kitchen.  “Oh no you two against one me, maybe I should come back later.”  He was laughing and teasing them both and seemed to be in a really good mood too.  It is always a good day when the whole family is happy.

“Well shorty looks like you are ready to go, soon as I finish this sandwich we can head out to the barn.  Horses are being saddled up right now.  I know you can not get up and down off he horse and I want you to be able to help, actual help not just watching so I am thinking you and Grey can help hold a line at the gate, and not let the cattle move except through the gates.  We will have two gates and it should go smooth.  You up for real work?”

“Yes but I am not sure I know how to do what you want, but you will show me… right?”  Violet knew it was a big deal to be asked to help and have a real job, and she also knew she did not want her father to be angry or to let him down.  She was hoping she could do the job, and do it well.  ©

Make a bubble when there is trouble. February 22, 2010

“Tomorrow you will need to play in your room all day.  I am going to finish painting the window, and will also get the cork board up on the wall.    Dean that reminds me, I will need some help getting that tacked up so you will have to make some time to come in and help me.”

“Oh I won’t have time tomorrow I will just ask one of the men to come in.  When do you need help?  In the morning or the afternoon?”

“What I need is your help, and not some dirty man to come and try.  I will spend as much time explaining what to do as doing it.  I might as well just do it myself!”

Violet took a deep breath because she could tell that her parents were going to have an arguing dinner.  She sat very still and tried to move as little as possible and make no noise at all as she ate.

“Well then do it yourself!  You know you are not any better then those men that work hard all day long every day, it is their work that makes it possible for you to go shopping and be the lady of the manor.”

“Lady of the manor?!  Violet are you done eating your father and I need to have a conversation, go to your room.”

Violet quickly slid out of her chair and ran up the stairs to her room, quietly closing the door behind her.  She could still hear them downstairs arguing.  She decided to sing a song, to try and not hear.

♫ Magical flowers in the field, and fluffy clouds in the sky ♪

♫ Animals dig, walk and run and they even fly up high  ♪

Just then she heard a loud crash from downstairs, and then another.  She knew it was best to hide in her room and not go look to see what was happening.   Then she remembered something her Aunt Grace had said to do when her parents were angry with each other.

“Make a bubble when there is trouble.  Make a bubble when there is trouble.”  She closed her eyes tight as she said it, and imagined that a big bubble was all around her, just like the kind she would blow from the bottle.  “Fill it with blue just for me, fill it with blue just for me. “  As Violet repeated it, she kept her eyes shut tight.  Suddenly she felt very warm and happy and then she finished “show me… Grey!”

With her eyes closed she could see Grey, in the barn, in his stall.  She could smell the hay, and she could see Max laying not far away.  Violet was so enjoying it all that she did not hear her mother come in the room.  ©

pinky swear? February 8, 2010

“What did you think about the truck going into the river last weekend?  I did not get to see you after because your parents put you in the camper.  Your father was so mad at uncle Jacob!  Every right to be mad too, at least I think so.”

“Why was he so mad?”

“Oh they didn’t tell you?”  Sara looked very surprised and Violet was very worried that this might have something to do with the secret she promised to keep with her father.

Sara did not wait for a reply and simply continued with the story.  “Well it seems that Jacob had been drinking, truthfully they all had been your father and mine too.  Anyway Jacob had too much to drink, and so when he was backing the trailer down, he went too far and too fast.   I didn’t see it right from the start but I guess your dad was in the boat and saw it all and was pretty mad.  Do you know that before you all left that Jacob and Dean got into a good yelling match?  Truth is it was pretty funny to see.”

“You mean my dad and uncle Jacob were having a yelling fight?”

Laughing Sara replied “A yelling fight, yes that is a good way to explain it!  But I overheard my mom on the phone, and she was saying everything was all patched up now, and it is fine.  No hard feelings or anything, so this weekend will be normal.”

“Oh but it won’t be.”  Violet was so pleased that she had something to share with Sara, something she could tell.  She stood up a little straighter and said “Mom and I will not be there, well not till the last day.  We are going to the city to go shopping for my new playroom and to stay with Uncle.”

“Really, I did not hear that yet.  Well good for you!  I bet you will have a lot of fun, and I did hear about the playroom.  It sounds very cool.  Are you excited or will you miss the barn?”

“I promised to be happy about it, so I am happy.  But I already miss the barn, and Max and Grey won’t be allowed in the playroom.  But Max has been in the house!  He is helping take care of Cocoa, a calf that needs to stay warm and have a bottle.”

Sara looked very surprised, and then seemed to be concentrating very hard on the last smile of the last head and not saying anything.

“Sara what is wrong?”

“Oh Violet I am so sorry, I thought you knew.  I will tell you but you have to promise that you won’t tell anyone that I told you.  Pinky Swear?”

“Pinky Swear” the girls said in unison and Violet listened very carefully as Sara told her the sad news that Cocoa had died last night and that was the real reason she was sent here today, so she would not be sad. ©

special secrets January 22, 2010

Violet knew the right answer was to say yes and to agree and that is what she did.  But inside it just felt wrong somehow and confusing…but like her dad said if it never happens again (which she was hoping) then it would never matter.

“One more thing I need to tell you.”

She noticed he was looking out the window and not at her and seemed to be thinking really hard.

“Your play area in the barn, you are not going to be able to play there for awhile.  We are going to be doing some work on the barns and you just would not be safe out there.”

This news made Violet very sad, it was the only place that her and Beth got to play and it was a good place to hide when her parents were arguing.  Plus Grey and Max were out there!  “Daddy no! What about Max and Grey and the other horses? And where WILL I be able to play?” and she started to cry.

“Oh knock off the water works, there is no reason to cry”  he sounded mad and then he added “when you get done with the nonsense I will tell you the plan.”

“I am sorry, I am listening.” she was trying very hard to not cry and sniffled her nose.  Taking a deep breath and holding it and looking at the waterfall she repeated “I am listening.”  Inside her heart was breaking but she pretended it away.

“Well first yes Max and Grey will both be fine.   It is little girls that you have to worry about not animals.  You know that extra room downstairs the one by the shower and the door towards the garden area, just off of the mud room?”

“Yes I know which one,  it is the scary room.”

“Why do you call it the scary room?” he looked at her now, genuinely puzzled.

“Because I always think someone is hiding in there and watching me or will jump out and grab me – it is scary.”

Taking a deep breath he said more to himself then to her “Great. ” and then to Violet “It is NOT a scary room and it is going to be your new play room.  You mother is moving stuff out of it this morning while you and I are out here.  This afternoon I will have one of the guys come in and paint it for you.  Then we will bring in your stuff from the barn the book case, the table, the chairs even your tea set.  You will be able to use that big sink down there too for your tea parties.  Your mom is even going to make a special art board for you that you can stick stuff up on and you can decorate it and she is going to paint a fake window on the other side and add some curtains.  That way you can pretend like you can see outside.

I think it will be fun for you, and you will like it.”  His tone implied that she had better like it and it did sound fun and maybe with all the stuff different it would not feel scary.

“I will like it” she nodded and smiled “thank you” she added quickly. ©

the ranch January 11, 2010

Violet and Grace headed to the barn, mounted their horses and headed off to explore.  Violet gave Grey an extra hug when she got on and whispered “I love you Grey!” into the back of his head.

The ranch was a wonderful place with a river flowing along the one side,  you could not easily access it however.  The property edge was actually the top of a steep canyon wall that went down to the fast flowing river.  That was where they decided to go first, it was a beautiful place where there were many birds of prey including hawk and eagle.

You had to be careful to not get to near the edge, because it was a long harsh fall down and there was nothing to protect you from going over.  You could hear the water rushing below and across the river there was a waterfall coming out of the canyon wall.  It was a wonderful and relaxing view no matter where along the canyon edge you chose to stop.

Instead of stopping though they decided to casually ride the length of the property along the edge, taking in the sites and the sounds and even the fresh smell of being out in the wild.  Every now and then you would see a pheasant darting across the ground, or even whistle pig or ground hog as the city folk call them.  There were also snakes out there and you had to watch for them.  A snake can not only spook a horse but can strike at them.

“Imagine if you lived in the city Violet, and you had to play in the park or a yard or even a back pasture like at your grandparents.  Sure would be different then all of this wouldn’t it?”

“Yes Aunt Grace, it would be different and I am sure I would hate it!  Visiting is one thing, but to live there?”

“Well you know one of the things about being a good girl, and growing up is sometimes having to learn to thrive in a new place.”

“What does thrive mean?”

“Hmmm well to thrive means choosing to be happy and to do well, choosing to find all the good things and to scoop those things up and keep them around you.  Anyway it is getting late, and we should be heading back – you are all headed camping tonight and I am headed back to my house.  Uncle needs me.  Do you know that when I am gone he doesn’t even wash the dishes?  Can you imagine!”

where is Beth? January 8, 2010

Running into the barn Violet said “Here are the brown…ies  where is Beth?”

“Oh she realized she needed to go, to go home. ” replied Aunt Grace with a casual smile and wave of the hand “I was thinking, let us have a brownie and then we will head out on the horses so that you can show me your favorite places here at the ranch.  It has been awhile since you got to go an ride; hasn’t it?”

“Yes! that will be wonderful fun and we can” her reply was cut off as one of the ranch hands came in through the back of the barn.  “Hello little one I hear I need to saddle up Grey for you and a horse for Grace so you two can head out for some adventure.  You better get your boots on!  And if you do not mind me saying Grace, you may want to change out of that pretty blue outfit of yours.”

“Yes of course” Grace replied “eat your brownie on the way to the house, and I will carry this to the kitchen” she said as she started to pick up what was left from their tea.  “How long will it take to ready the horses?”

“Oh by the time you two get back, the horses will be ready to go, don’t you worry about that.”

“Alright well thank you, come along Violet lets go.”

The two of them headed to the house, and left the silver tray from tea on the counter near the sink in the kitchen.  Violet got a big drink of water and they both went upstairs to change.  Violet changed into her boots, and grabbed her sweatshirt and wondered what her Aunt would wear to ride.  “I bet she will look like a rodeo princess” she thought.

Then she heard a tap at her door and looked up to see her Aunt.  She was wearing jeans and a blue jean jacket and even had on BLUE boots!  “I wish that Beth could have stayed and come riding with us.”

“Well Violet sometimes it is best for people to move on, do what they need to do, and not what we want them to do.   That is what happened with Beth.  But I am excited for a good ride, are you?”

“Yes! Yes I am.”  You see one of the things that Violet loved most in the world was to get up on Grey’s back and to ride! ©